... a red boot kind of day ...

this morning i woke up happy and ready ... yes, i will wear my red cowboy boots to celebrate the first day of december ... moments after that red boot decision, i was checking my email and realized it was NOT in fact december yet ... my red boot celebration of december lasted all of ten minutes .... that celebratory red booted tooth brushing and hair brushing was just a fine fest .... that ended abruptly in front of the laptop .... darn.... isn't that just like me to be discombobulated?

red boots are a funny thing ... people really, really notice them .. i got comments all day long (luckily i did not change out of them when i discovered the sad factness of it still being november) ... it made me laugh that it was such a big deal to wear red shoes and for so many to comment ... why don't people all always wear colored shoes? why are all men's dress shoes black or brown? (i know, i know, i'm making vast generalizations)  why do most women mostly wear black and brown and boring shoes? (next time you are in a boring meeting, look at all the shoes).... it just doesn't make sense to me that bland shoes are the norm.... but i am SO off track ... 

so, i am celebrating today, i spent the month of november working on the NaBloPoMo challenge ... national blog post month ... write every day .....and i did it ... never skipped a day ... had some great writing days ... had some just say anything to get it done posts ... but in all felt like it was a worthwhile experience ... it got me writing ... not just the blog, but other stuff too ... and that's good ... i like it ....

the main thing i learned is that it is easier to write when you have been writing ... just like it is easier to paint when you have been painting ... it is easier to cook when you've been cooking ...or, well, when you have at least gone to the grocery store .... starting something after a big break is like starting from square one, brand new, beginner ... get doing something and it feels like you have momentum and can absolutely keep doing it .... maybe i need to get some red shoe momentum ... wear happy shoes every day .... maybe you shouldn't wear your red boots on the days you wake up happy .. but on the days you wake up crabby too .... maybe if all world leaders had to wear red shoes every day, they'd be happier, freer, smarter, easier going, kinder, gentler .... people in red shoes certainly don't start wars or shoot guns at people or cut in line at the grocery store  .... 

so, the moral of my month of writing is get doing whatever you want to be doing and do it every day cause it gets easier ... and .... color up your shoe wardrobe, please .... 

doc, happy, sleepy, grumpy, dopey, bashful, sneezy and slobby ...

why is there not an 8th dwarf named slobby? clearly there was a slobby in that house if snow white had to show up and do all that tidying and dusting and bed making, right? slobby probably just didn't want to be in the show and wouldn't sign the reality tv contract so he wasn't on there ... just like one of ozzy osbournes kids who was never seen on that show .... yup ... slobby was a mess, but he had the good sense to stay hidden ...

not so much me ... i'm a mess and i'm going to show it to you on my blog ... perhaps to shame myself into cleaning up my studio ... but maybe just because it is nine o'clock and i am ever so very tired and trying to be a pal and stay up with my studying high schoolers .... so i'm quietly blogging the pictures i took today ...

here's the first ....

 can you even see the dog in that mess? she's posing ... such a good girl .... but between her turquoise jacket and her evil photo eyeballs, she's barely recognizable ... let's call her waldo .... so this is looking into my studio space from the garage .... or the hall ... by the stairs .... now, i'm claiming that some of that mess isn't mine ... i asked little.e.beck.artist to wrap some christmas and she did ... and where the remnants landed, is where the remnants, the tape, the scissors remain .... on the floor .... don't trip when you come in ....

so if you were brave enough to enter my studio, and turn right you'll find ... allison! ... i wonder how long she's been trapped in that back corner!? .... my table is about 9 feet by six feet ... and we each scraped off a tiny section to work on ... the good news is, some of the mess she left there three weeks ago was still right there where she left it ... some of it had another layer of mess over it, but her birdies and feet and cut up bits were still there .... and on my side, there had been interlopers (girl.beck.artist and two of her pals had spent an afternoon painting a while ago) ... so i scraped away their mess .....
just enough room to paint ... so we painted the day away ... and then i dug out allison so she could escape on home to her own family ....

we could do a betting pool and you can guess when i'll actually get the seven dwarfs to clean up with me .....

monday grumpy gloomy and doom ...

so, my monday started out not quite right .... mr.e.beck.artist was not in my bed ... instead little.e.beck.artist had decided to sleep in his spot since he is out o' town .... that's ok with me, but somehow it started me out all disoriented when my alarm trilled (generously kind description of the heinous noise) at 5.55 ....
... and it was cold ...
... and it was rainy ....
... and the last of my beloved (no kidding, awesome holiday company) house guests were leaving me ....
so my monday was starting grumpy .... mix in a soggy dog and you have the multi sensory notion of what my morning was like ...

and then i went to pottery .... and left the rest of the world behind ... i picked out a bag o chocolate clay .... even though i'm not done with the white ... i was just feeling off the white .... and i made an extra large , really extraextra large textured bowl ...

and i picked up four pieces that i had glazed last week ... they actually work great as a set .. can't you imagine having all four pieces and setting the perfect spread of apps at a big party? if in fact, you are the big party throwing type?

these pics look funny to me ... the platters are fairly modern looking ... sleek, shiny, dark ... and they are a grandma looking background ... not criticizing any grandmas or the background, for that is in fact what my christmas time dining room table has on it .... but it's not a great background to showcase pottery ... those three go well together ... you could put a long row of perfectly placed crackers on the long one ... and then special cheeses on the square one and maybe a pile of grapes and apple slices on the other .. or maybe you do fancier appetizers than i can think of .....

here's a detail of one of the pieces .... can you see the lettering .... when i see that, it seems like that's what makes it me ...

so my monday got better ...
even though my sole intention for today was to do some tidying in my basement studio and i did NONE ... so .. tomorrow ...
and tomorrow will start better too ... if for no other reason than it won't be monday .... tuesdays are usually good days, right?

i was browsing the internet ... and was at my newest happy place, pinterest, when i found a piece of art i liked, clicked it, and ended up on this VERY lovely artsy crafty happy blog, summerstead... at the bottom of each post there are links to other posts you might like (how do i get that on my blog, anyone?) ... and i clicked on this ... 31 days to finding harmony ... that sounds like a me thing, right? so i looked ... and read loads of posts ... and thought i could follow her harmony example ...

so, big idea here, once my november nablopomo post every day for a month challenge, i thought i might try posting every day in december .... harmony isn't such a me word ... but peace and joy? happy days? and i'd write about my joy for the day ... maybe i could even do a ranking system ... and mindfully not get all wiggy during the holidays ... i don't actually get wiggy during the holidays, but i know it's a thing, so if i feel it coming on, i avoid it ... so how 'bout it? are you a zen holiday type? or do you get wiggy and try to do too much?

any suggestions? if you are a regular reader and blogger, wanna do it with me? help me figure out what we want to do? hmmmmm ....
if you are a regular reader and not a blogger, what do you like to read about? 30 days of joy... or wait, i think december is 31 days .... i'm still thinking about it ... i have a few days to firm up my plans, right?

saturday holiday

today still feels like a holiday to me ....

except i cleaned up the pumpkins and pilgrims and indians from the dining room ....

 i went bowling with my family ... including the out of town contingent .... i bowled a 99 ... that's really good for me ....

 and then mom-o'-e.beck.artist and little.e.beck.artist and i made these candy cane candle sticks .... 

 we just used candy canes, rubberbands, ribbon and candles ....

i'm nearing the end of nablopomo ... the blog every day for the month of november challenge ... and it hasn't been hard ... maybe i could keep it up in december ... and do one tiny bit of arts and crafts decorating a day until christmas ....

red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple friday .. no black ....

 no black friday shopping in this house .... we played games, ate leftovers and did christmas crafts ... i got started on my gift giving ..... i always try to make something for pals and neighbors ....

here's a peek at christmas ornies from 2010 ....
and xmas ornies 2009 ....
what did you do today?

today is thanksgiving .... what are you thankful for?

‎'We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.' Thornton Wilder

i am thankful for cousins who love each other ...
i am thankful for family ...
i am thankful for friends ...
i am thankful to live in a place where groceries, grocery stores, and feasts are plentiful and easy ....
i am thankful for a family that helps with all the cooking and cleaning ...
i am thankful for afternoon naps ...
i am thankful for the joy and love that surrounds in my life every day ...
i am thankful for a day set aside to be mindful of thankfulness ...
i am thankful for pie ....


“I believe all joy is an extension of gratitude. If we can find something to be thankful for, no matter what’s going on, no matter how small, we can grasp the coattails of joy.”—Xian Horn

wednesday of thanksgiving week ...

today i did prep for thanksgiving ... 

 that's me carving a turkey .... it's like being a chef with power tools having a carving knife .... at one point little.e.beck.artist said "are you TRYING to saw the glass pan?" ... well no .... it doesn't cut .... might not be good for the knife though, huh?

i got a fried turkey from church ... will roast another tomorrow .... can't have too much turkey, right?

and then i set the table for 11 .... i put the centerpiece from the month back there on the buffet ... it was too much to actually eat around ... so i just did simple low flowers .... since this pic, leaves have been added ....

 adn here's a close up of the buffet .....

 i love the indians more than the pilgirms ... they seem so much cuter .... i think it's the braids ....

slot machines ....

i'm not even sure i believe in luck ... the prompt assumes that luck is a notion you buy into .... so ...
some lucky stuff ...
lucky that i went to emory, moved to atlanta, met mr.e.beck.artist, liked him, dated him 5 years, married him, had babies with him, had twins, could afford a house .... but that might be more blessed ... or charmed ... or serendipitous good fortune ...

oh ... here's a lucky story .... gambling ... you need luck for gambling, right?

i went on a cruise with my parents and three brothers when i was 18 ... i was graduated freshly from high school ... the oldest brother was fresh from college graduation .... there was a number 2 brother between and a number three brother, younger than i am ... got that? so all pretty grown up ....

the cruise ship casino opened once it was  a certain number of miles off shore ... and there was no legal limit to gambling on the high seas ... one brother or another said, let's go to the casino .... we all said YEAH UH HUH YES ... let's gamble ...

my mom said, no, you can't gamble ..that's ridiculous ... our family doesn't gamble ...
my dad said, oh, let them gamble their spare change, they'll learn the "no good can come from gambling lesson" before we've even been at sea a day ....

now, that's not my dad's normal modus operandi ... he is SO not a gambling kind of guy .... he's more of a depression baby: count your pennies, guard your hard earned dollars, waste not want not .... but my brothers and i merrily dashed off to the casino .... come to find out we were only old enough for the slots ... no one under 21 at the tables ... i guess brother 1 could have done the tables .... but instead we cshed in a ten for quarters ... time for the quarter slots ...

here's the lucky bit.

my FIRST quarter into that slot machine won 100 dollars.  truly.  400 quarters.  my brothers hadn't even put in a quarter ... we were laughing and giddy like we had won a million dollars ... OH MY ... we HAVE to go show mom and dad ... who were sitting on deck somewhere ... we gathered all those quarters in little paper cups and in our hands and in one outstretched shirt ... and tromped off gleefully to see my parents ...

we walked up raising a ruckus .. MOM! DAD! ... one HUNDRED dollars in quarters ...
my mother turns to my dad .... what was the lesson you thought they'd learn ... we laughed and promised not to become gambling addicts and to save some of it and back to the casino we dashed ...

and brother 2 put in HIS FIRST quarter .... and got  100 dollars in quarters .... WHAT??? no way ....more quarter stashing in cups and hands and outstretched tshirts and back to our parent on deck ...

we were loud and happy and LOOK mom, LOOK dad ... 100 MORE dollars ... yes!

and mom looked at dad ... about that lesson? have they learned it yet?

yup ... that was some luck, right?

this was a long, long, long, long time ago ... i need to check with my brothers and parents and see how different my recollection of it is from theirs .....

zzzz

nope ... no passion project for me .... right now the only thing i'm passionate about is sleep ... i just can't get enough ... i'm the queen of the second wind at 10 o'clock ....

i've had passion projects .... house renovating (success), novel writing (completion:success, succesfulness: fail), 100 paintings in a year (success), dream galapagos vacation (success), clean my basement (fail) ... oh wait ... cleaning my basement was never a passion project ... it was just a pipe dream! ...

i did pick up two pottery pieces yesterday and glazed four more ... maybe i'm passionate about pottery occasionally ... but if its occasional then how passionate can it be?

sometimes reading is a passion ... and i go full tilt reading book after book after book ... i'm going to do that now ... and then i'm pursuing some sleep ....

gifts ....

a while back, i posted this blog bit ..... read this now, then come right back ..... that was three weeks ago ... my pal got married in january .... so i painted him and his new wife a painting (... and they all lived happily ever after ...) ... and then i sorta accidentally sold the painting ... fine ... it wasn't accidental ... but i sold it ... and then i forgot .... and then i remembered ... and then it was suddenly fall and i couldn't even remember when the wedding had been ... oh no, was it in the fall ? is my one year of leeway over? .... and i started a pottery class quarter and decided to make a late wedding gift .... and i did ... and then the happy couple got pregnant ... and bought a new house .... and then, hurrah! i got my act together ... and this is the note i attached to their gift ....

dear sweet friends ... 

hooray you're married! ... yes, i know i'm late with a wedding gift, but i believe i'm still within emily post's statute of limitations on gift giving .... but i'm now ahead on gift giving too, because this box also includes a house warming gift AND a baby gift .... i was considering getting really ahead and getting a gift for the second baby... but decided that might be pushy .... much, much love for all your happiness: marriage, home, family ..... 

love, e.beck.artist and mr.e.beck.artist

p.s.i looked it up online. miss manners says when wrapping a wedding/house/baby gift in combo, to split the difference and put it all in a christmas box.  uh huh, she wrote that.

... i think they liked the two ceramic pieces i gave them ... and the baby soft teddy bear .... and if they ever wondered about my dorkiness, now it's been confirmed ..... but, i am ahead on gift giving and that success should keep me going for a good long while ....

have you started thinking about christmas shopping?

.... weekend work without a prompt ....

i was asked to make an advent calendar for my church ..... and there it is ... is it too tiny to read in this scanned jpg? the real miracle is that i even managed to jpg it and get it posted here .... the other miracle is that my poor printer was able to print it out after i had a wee fit at it .... oh ... and if we're talking miracles ... my deadline is tomorrow morning delivery at church and i'm not even going to have to work on it sunday morning! yes!

my month of blog writing is going well ... it does bug me that they don't have weekend prompts .... and i did no art today to blog about ... i don't usually do art on saturdays, too much family stuff going on ... so instead of an art recap, you can have e.beck.not.artist recap: i stayed out late last night, slept late today, went to a basketball game (he won!), did some christmas shopping, out to dinner, advent calendar fishing touches, and now blogging ... an easy day .... i believe from here on out it's a steep downhill fast run to new years day ... take a deep breath ... on your mark, get set, go ....

happy ... or not .... it'll be ok ...

i have two kids that started high school in august ......
i wasn't ready for it ....
i'd go so far as to say i don't like it ....
last year they were at the sweet little school across the street ....
now i'm driving them across town ( i'm taking some whiny literary license here, it's not that far ) to high school where they are not babied or tended or hand held ... they are treated like adults ... and i'm not ready for them to be treated as adults ... let alone for them to be acting like adults .... i want to mother them .....
i'm good at being a mom ... i love being a mom ... i have a good mix of firm and strict and high expectations intermingled with kind and patient and loving and sweet and goofy and fun as all get out ....

 i really don't want them to be grown up .... 12 forever would be ok .... but they are already 14 .... what happens when they are 24? who will i be then when i don't have them to cement my identity as mom every day, every moment ...

things that come to mind ...
if they were twelve forever, would we just be doing algebra1 year after year after year .... not sure i can manage that repetition .....

if they were twelve forever, would they ... gosh, why'd i pick twelve? that's like the worst ever age for hormones boinging around and volatile personalities and acting like they are four when you want them to act fourteen ....

if they were twelve forever, i'd never find out what could be .... and isn't that really and truly what life is all about? finding out what can be ... what's next .... what can be achieved .... even if your achievement is being able to wake up at 5.45, wake up two 14 year olds at 5.47 and be out the door by 6.00 for the 6.15am basketball practice? so if that feels like an achievement, think about all the other things ... what can they accomplish in their lives beyond today? who can they be? who can they love? whose heart can they touch? who can they help? what deeds can be done ... great or small?

interestingly to me, i have been getting bogged down in not loving that they are growing up so fast .... it has made me wistful for the little things they used to be ... but i do love who they are .. what they are becoming ... those little hints of what they'll be like as adults ....

and really, that was just the long way round to the point of this post .... what has been the happiest moment of your life thus far? .... and i will be so bold as to say, i think i'm just genetically happy ... i can get bogged down in not so happy stuff like anyone .... but then sometimes i forget the real life stuff and i'm just happy ... yesterday afternoon i was in the backyard with my dog and the wind was blowing .. gusting really .... whooshing around me ... and orange and yellow leaves were coming down off the trees .... and my tiny dog was sprinting in tight circles around my feet and i just felt joy .... i felt joy and i twirled in the the leaves ... i alternated between chasing the dog and chasing leaves .... then i wondered if neighbors were looking out their windows and seeing me twirl in the leaves and the wind with the dog ... and it didn't matter .... nothing wrong with a little joyful twirling ....

last night i had a meeting at the kids' high school ... mr.e.beck.artist went with boy.beck.artist to his peer leadership group, and i went with girl.beck.artist .... we sat in a circle and were asked to share our answers to a series of questions .... one of them (oh my what serendipity) was the same as this blog post prompt: what was the happiest moment of your life .... and i would argue that there is no happiest moment ... there might be a happiest memory, the moment you were blissfully aware of your happiness, the moment you love to relive in your memory, the moment that springs to mind when you think of "your happiest moment" .... i, however, would argue there is no HAPPIEST moment .... can't you have that supreme happiness more than once .... even a lot .... whether it is the first day at home with newborn twins .... or swimming in the galapagos with your four favorite people and penguins .... or marveling at a herd of buffalo with your six favorite people ...... or twirling in the backyard with fall leaves and a tiny white dog .... or walking the youngest to school holding hands .... i don't want to quantify happiness (nor do i want you to ... i'm bossy like that) .... let's just be happy with what we have when we have it ...to know it when you have it....to be intentional about looking for joy .... to be aware of it when it's there ...  and when we don't have it, just muddle on til you find it again .... or to even work hard to find it again .....

i find it much easier to be happy than to be not happy ... not happy is such a drain for me ... but some people find happiness harder, i think ... it's easier(or maybe i mean more natural)  to be cynical or flat or sullen for some people ... does it depend on how you're wired? is it a nature vs. nurture question? is it some of each ?

that was my long answer ...
the short answer:
my happiest momentS are the ones when i am aware of how happy i am and how lovely it is to find the joy in small things ...

yesterday, i played about ten games of mexican train dominos with little.e.beck.artist ... i was not trying, but i won 8 out of the ten games ... those two games that she won? those were happiest for me ... making me a grownup, huh? but i do not believe those two were happiest for her ... i think her happiest were the ones where she remembered to push the button that makes the choo choo train noises ...

here's to joy ...
here's to happy stuff ...
what's your happy stuff?

i have a crush on you ..... or not ...

 a list of everyone i've ever had a crush on? are you kidding? i'm 42 years old so that's probably 142 crushes ... oh wait ... i'm not 42 ... i'm older than that ... to really know how old i am i have to do the math ... every time .... my age is never in short term memory .... so if i answer too quickly it's probably just reflex ... or a lie ..... but i digress ... probably cause i don't want to talk about crushes, huh?

so let's do some research:

crush

   [kruhsh]  Show IPA

verb (used with object)

1.

to press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deforms.

2.

to squeeze or pound into small fragments or particles, asore, stone, etc.

3.

to force out by pressing or squeezing; extract: to crushcottonseeds in order to produce oil.

4.

to rumple; wrinkle; crease.

5.

to smooth or flatten by pressure: to crush leather.

6.

to hug or embrace forcibly or strongly: He crushed her in hisarms.

7.

to destroy, subdue, or suppress utterly: to crush a revolt.

8.

to overwhelm with confusion, chagrin, or humiliation, as byargumentation or a slighting action or remark; squelch.

9.

to oppress grievously. 

 10. Archaic . to finish drinking (wine, ale, etc.).

verb (used without object)

11.

to become crushed.

12.

to advance with crushing; press or crowd forcibly.

noun

13.

the act of crushing; state of being crushed.

14.

a great crowd: a crush of shoppers.

15.

Informal .

a.

an intense but usually short-lived infatuation.

b.

the object of such an infatuation: Who is your latest crush?

ok then ... that is a lot of definitions ... we are meant to discuss 15a ... in definition 8, i love the word squelch ... it sounds like what it is ... like you should be squeezing jello as you say it .... i'm partial to six as well ... nine sounds horrible ... 

in lieu of a crush list, i'll go with a history lesson .. i met mr.e.beck.artist in 1983 ... that wasn't his name then though .... we started dating in 1985 ... we got married in 1990 .... we had our first children in 1997 .... and now it is 2011 and my math abilities are failing me, but luckily he's a math genius and always knows how old i am, which anniversary it is, and what important dates we should remember ....

all that said, i'm currently partial to adam levine (maroon five), johnny depp, george clooney (if i were much older) and zac ephron (if i were much younger)  .... 

so ... ahem ... art ... i just got a commission today ... i wasn't inclined to take it since it is so close to the holdiays, but the lady was so dear on the phone, buying it for her son in law cause she'd seen my work and it's JUST PERFECT ... who can resist JUST PERFECT ... what i complement ... 

and i still have a few more weeks of pottery before the holidays ... not sure i'll gift a puzzle pod, but i'm still working on them ... none done ... but the idea is evolving .... that new one on the left will fire to white .... and it doesn't need a string to keep it together ... well , i don't think it will ... 

so there you go ... don't tell me who you have had crushes on ... instead, tell me about your thanksgiving plans ... i'm going to have visitors ... not just visitors, but some of my favorite people in the world .. 

adulthood and god's blue oldsmobile

can there possibly be a single defining moment of moving from childhood to adulthood? is it your bar mitzvah at 13? is it your 16th birthday and getting your drivers license? is it graduation from high school? college? grad school? getting married? having a baby? voting? i think it is probably a gradual thing that you slip in and out of ... i certainly thought i was adult at 16 when i started driving ... i certainly didn't act like an adult my freshman year in college when i stayed up late late late every night cause no one told me to go to sleep .... the girls on my hall played a whole lot of late night cards ... and midnight four square outside near the library .... not so adult .... i think my 14 year old freshmen are awfully grown up ... but i still remind them to brush their teeth and hang up their towels ....

this photo is from the 1924 nursing school graduation for ingeborg marie lokensgard ... she was most surely an adult....she was in her 20s in this pic .... she was my paternal grandmother ... i called her ga ... all her grandchildren did ... i remember in first grade, i went to a church school, the teacher was doing a religion lesson ... and she asked us what our image of ga was .... who ga was to us ... and i said she drove a blue oldsmobile down from minnesota every winter, stayed with us at christmas, then spent the rest of the winter in miami with grampa miltion .... i was MORTIFIED when i found out i was supposed to be talking about god not ga .... ya know the sistine chapel of god with white wavy hair? that's the hair ga had when i was little ... so there is some resemblance, i suppose ....

yellow feather boas ....

i toy with the idea of being a writer ... a REAL writer ... a serious writer ... but mostly i'm a blogger ... and an artist ...and a storyteller .... the other day i was standing outside telling my pal dana something and little.e.beck.artist was waiting not quite patiently.... and dana said to her, hold on honey, your mom is in storytelling mode, watch her hands ..... and i carried on with the minute story that i made large and loud .... so when my prompt is to write about the five senses, my eyes glaze over .... sorry ... 

so instead i'll tell you a story ...  about leaves ... here's a wee japanese maple that's in my back yard ... it is red orange and yellow .... it is just lovely ... mr.e.beck.artist was out of town and when he got home i went out to the car and greet him ... and the first thing i did? i made him admire the tree .... 

 yup ... that's just the kind of girl i am ... look honey, our little tree is gorgeous ... it's perfect ... look how orange it is ... i love it .... did you notice it? don't you love it ? did you notice how orange it is ? he played along but just did not have the enthusiam i did ....

so i have another favorite tree too ... i never noticed it ONCE when it was green, or not that i recall ... but now, it is bright lemon yellow ... and the branches look like feather boas ... so, it's basically a bright yellow feather boa tree .... for the last,oh, two weeks or so, each time i see it, i say WOW or LOOK or OH MY ... and i exclaim about it's yellow featherness to my captive audience children (it's on the way to school ) .. i make them look and appreciate .... i ooooh .... i aaaaaah .... once, we saw the car in front of us stop, a passenger jumped out, and she started snapping pics of my feather boa yellow tree .... i'd gotten so i looked forward to that redlight on habersham turning onto northside .....

so ....mr.e.beck.artist and i were driving this weekend to see julia's play .... and he stopped at the light ... and he said WOW .... look at that tree... it is SO yellow ... and all feathery .... and i squealed! wheeeeeeee! we love the same tree ... i love that you noticed that tree and see the feathers .... wheeeeee! ... and he said, i do like that tree, but girl.beck.artist  told me that you LOVE it and talk about it every single day ..... darn ... he just likes it ... no yellow feather boa tree love from him .... but he and girl.beck.artist talk about me and my yellow feather boa tree love even when i'm not with them ....

how are your leaves? got any favorite trees these days?

nope ... no fear ....

ricki: have you faced fears and overcome them?
e: nope
ricki: why don't you face your fears and maybe you can overcome them
e: cause i can't think of any fears to overcome
ricki: you have to have fears
e: like?
ricki: like heights
e: nope
ricki: like public speaking
e: nope
ricki: the dark?
e: nope, i kind of like the dark ....
ricki: dancing in public
e: nope, i've been known to dance at target with my children ... sadly, they are all outgrowing that joy ...
ricki: enclosed spaces
e: sometimes in enclosed airless spaces i get nauseous ... like a poorly ventilated car ... but i just turn on the ac and i'm ok ....or open a window ....

ricki: bugs

e: not exactly, that's more of a learned helplessness ... i don't like killing them so i pretend to be scared of them so that someone else can "protect" me .... but by that example, i'm also scared of burned out lightbulbs, cause i always get someone else to take care of those too .... and taking out the trash .... 

ricki: spiders

e: aren't those bugs?

ricki: nope, arachnids ... i sense your fear .... 

e: when i was pregnant with twins i used to wake my husband in the middle of the night and tell him there were spiders in the bed

ricki: FEAR!

e: no, sleep talking ... there were no spiders in the bed, and i didn't usually remember having woken him up .... sometimes i scare him when i talk in my sleep ... i am more frightening that frightened, i suppose .... 

ricki: i still sense a fear of spiders ... 

e: nope, i actually try to catch spiders that are inside so that i can let them go outside ... they eat mosquitos, you know ... 

ricki: snakes? 

e: i actually like snakes ... we had a garter snake named rowdy when i was a kid ... it was striped .... we fed it frozen fish ... i've held lots of snakes .. that's actually odd to me .... but it's the truth ....

ricki: are you fearless? 

e: nope, i don't suppose i'm that either .... but the fears i have had aren't things i planned ... like when mr.e.beck.artist had appendicitis i was ok with it ... until WELL past when the surgery was supposed to be done i was told he wasn't out yet because it had ruptured ... so i had fear for a while then .... and then when boy.beck.artist seemed to have appendicitis i had a titch of fear ... but we took him to the ER so fast that there was not chance of a rupture ... but i don't think that was fear ... it was worry .... 

ricki: fear of failure? fear of success? fear of the unknown? 

e: i am a planner so that whole unknown thing can bug me sometime ... but on the other hand, i like spontaneous ... so no, none of those ... 

ricki: how about one of these letter a fears: 

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.
Acarophobia- Fear of itching or of the insects that cause itching.
Acerophobia- Fear of sourness.
Achluophobia- Fear of darkness.
Acousticophobia- Fear of noise.
Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
Aerophobia- Fear of drafts, air swallowing, or airbourne noxious substances.
Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.
Aeronausiphobia- Fear of vomiting secondary to airsickness.
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
Agliophobia- Fear of pain.
Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
Agraphobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Agrizoophobia- Fear of wild animals.
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Aichmophobia- Fear of needles or pointed objects.
Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Albuminurophobia- Fear of kidney disease.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Algophobia- Fear of pain.
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Altophobia- Fear of heights.
Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.
Amnesiphobia- Fear of amnesia.
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)
Androphobia- Fear of men.
Anemophobia- Fear of air drafts or wind.(Ancraophobia)
Anginophobia- Fear of angina, choking or narrowness.
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.
Angrophobia - Fear of anger or of becoming angry.
Ankylophobia- Fear of immobility of a joint.
Anthrophobia or Anthophobia- Fear of flowers.
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
Antlophobia- Fear of floods.
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity.
Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)
Apiphobia- Fear of bees.
Apotemnophobia- Fear of persons with amputations.
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Arachnephobia or Arachnophobia- Fear of spiders.
Arithmophobia- Fear of numbers.
Arrhenphobia- Fear of men.
Arsonphobia- Fear of fire.
Asthenophobia- Fear of fainting or weakness.
Astraphobia or Astrapophobia- Fear of thunder and lightning.(Ceraunophobia, Keraunophobia)
Astrophobia- Fear of stars or celestial space.
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things.
Ataxiophobia- Fear of ataxia. (muscular incoordination)
Ataxophobia- Fear of disorder or untidiness.
Atelophobia- Fear of imperfection.
Atephobia- Fear of ruin or ruins.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Atomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosions.
Atychiphobia- Fear of failure.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes.
Aurophobia- Fear of gold.
Auroraphobia- Fear of Northern lights.
Autodysomophobia- Fear of one that has a vile odor.
Automatonophobia- Fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues - anything that falsly represents a sentient being.
Automysophobia- Fear of being dirty.
Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Aviophobia or Aviatophobia- Fear of flying.

e: i LOVE the notion of auroraphobia ...  the northern lights are on my bucket list ... so maybe they'll scare me .... i hear they are totally cool though ... i also LOVE the notion of asymmetriphobia ... fear of asymmetrical things .... i love asymmetry .... i must be an asymmetriphile ...and i wish my family had just a modicum of ataxophobia .... that'd beat the six pairs of shoes that are currently under the coffee table .... 

ricki: ok ... let's move on to the letter B fears ...

e: pass .... but if my lovely readers want to see the rest of the list, they can go here, to phobia list dot com .... 

so ... what are you afraid of?